TOP TEN ways to know you are dating/married to a consultant
1. Refers to those "intimate moments" as "Win-Win situations"
2. Valentine's Day card has bullet points
3. Can't be trusted with the car (too accustomed to beating up rentals)
4. Celebrate anniversary by conducting a performance review
5. Ends any argument by saying "let's talk about this offline"
6. Tries to call room service from the bedroom
7. Congratulates your parents for successful value creation
8. Takes a half-day at the office because, "Sunday is YOUR day"
9. Talks to the waiter about process flow when dinner arrives late
10. Referred to the first month of your relationship as a "diagnostic period"
You know it is time to get out of consulting when...
1. You ask the waiter what the restaurant's core competencies are.
2. You decide to re-org your family into a "team-based organization."
3. You refer to dating as test marketing.
4. You can spell "paradigm."
5. You actually know what a paradigm is.
6. You understand your airline's fare structure.
7. You write executive summaries on your love letters.
8. You think that it's actually efficient to write a ten page paper with six other people you don't know.
TOP FIVE REASONS COMPUTERS MUST BE FEMALES:
5. No one but their creator understands their logic.
4. Even the smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2. The message "bad command or filename" is about as informative as "if you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it.